A British shopping center has told Mariah Carey to go elsewhere after she demanded the following for her performance:

1. 20 white kittens (which are, btw, not widely available in the UK)
2. 100 white doves
3. A Rolls Royce to drive her along a pink carpet to a pink podium, where she’d wave a wand to turn on the lights
4. Butterfly-shaped confetti to shower her at the end

Mariah (can I call you Mariah?), nevermind the fact that I own your entire 90s music catalog (your new stuff just isn’t very good) and that “All I Want for Christmas is You” is arguably the sexiest holiday song of all time (seriously, it’s musical mistletoe). Stop making Americans look bad! We’ll do that for ourselves, thanks. [Check it out]

And while you’re at it, don’t open this till Thanksgiving, but hopefully this will get you kids feeling amorous.

<3 Daphne