I won’t be here next week, so I’ve got two stories looking ahead to the holidays…well, actually, both of these are Christmas stories. Whatever.

Deck the halls with, erm, “water pipes”

I love getting ready for Christmas: you know, baking cookies, buying a tree, decorating it with bongs. I always thought that’s how everyone did it, but the Los Angeles Customs Agency disagrees.

They seized 316,000 glass bongs that were disguised as Christmas ornaments. They haven’t arrested anyone yet, but the bongs are valued at $2.6 million.

“That’s a lot of bongs,” says DJ Sven. Indeed.

The nicest crime ever

Police in Illinois are investigating a case of breaking and decorating.

A mother and her children went on vacation for the weekend, and when they came back, someone had broken in and put up Christmas lights and ornaments everywhere.

Nothing was stolen, except my heart. Seriously, whoever did this, you’re now my second-favorite criminal ever. My favorite, however, is still the Hamburglar. That man knows what really matters.